City Shrouded in Shadow is slated for release very soon, and it seems poised to send us scurrying through a ruined Japan like so many frightened cockroaches before titanic terrors and gargantuan….big….things.
But these dudes and dudettes aren't invincible invaders, they're clearly bosses. And if there’s one thing 27 years worth of video games has taught me, it’s that no boss is unbeatable, not even the unbeatable ones!
“But cameron!” you say, “How can we beat Godzilla? He’s not Kong, we can’t just shoot him a bunch.” Well, quit yer belly-achin’, because, like always, I have the perfect solution.
Over my long illustrious career of boss-fighting, I’ve honed four immortal techniques that can flatten even the most fearsome mutated and/or genetically engineered critter. So gather ‘round and I’ll show you how to Batman this Justice League.
Technique the first!
The thing most of these big baddies have on us is size (and lasers). The one thing we have on them is our size. I give you…
...the tried and true method of tricking the boss into slamming his own head into a wall! This method is tricky, and requires precise timing. It usually involves baiting your adversary into committing to an attack, then dodging out of the way, causing the enemy to beat the eff out of themselves by slamming into some kind of environmental hazard. Kind of like the Kraken in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, who you have to trick into bashing his brain box into pillars, or the Barroth in the Monster Hunter games, who runs his big, dumb face into walls if you can dodge out of the way in time.
Technique the second!
This one is sometimes a variation of the Loki, but not always. This one use the environment, and sometimes means using yourself as bait, but rather than relying on momentum to push the monster into something hard and hurty, the Trap lures the baddy into a prepared hazard. Sometimes this hurts the monster directly, sometimes it just exposes their big glowing weak spot. Like Gordon Freeman luring the Gargantua into a generator and flicking the switch to pump it full of juice in Half Life, or the Stone Golem fight (which also uses lightning) in the first Witcher game.
Technique the third!
The Coup de Grace
Where the last two we’re all about positioning, this one takes a little more initiative. It’s common knowledge that anything over eight feet tall has, somewhere on its body, a glowing weak point.
The coup de grace involves laying into this weak point with one big, big strike, for big, big damage. Usually it’s in plain view, like Poison Ivy’s big Biollante knock off from Arkham Asylum. Its invincible, until Ivy herself pops out to laugh at you and you throw a baterang at her head.
Sometimes, its hidden behind inexplicably thin armor, i.e. the ice monster from Metroid Prime. It’s glowy bits are hidden under ice, but you have rockets, so that doesn’t matter.
Technique the fourth!
This! This is my favorite! I can’t believe no one’s tried this on Goji, it’s so simple and elegant. Step one! Hop on the beast, preferably on some conveniently placed stair-shaped wreckage. Step two! Climb the beast using its hair/craggy skin, making your way to its glowing weak point. Step Three! Stab. With gusto. The only problem with this move is the dismount.
I had examples of all my other techniques but...I dunno I can’t really….recall….
There was….what was that one game…
Its right on the tip of my tongue…
Of course if all these fail due to physical limitations or you know, the core gameplay, you can use my second favorite technique: Bail And Let Ultraman Take Care Of It.
Love ‘em? Hate ‘em? Gonna try and port the Master Sword into the game? Let me know in the comments, brave hunters.